I must say when we came to have a look at our flat for the first time, the biggest selling point for me was definitely this.

I had always wanted to have the kitchen sink in front of a window and this was just ideal as I had a perfect view of the whole estate from it too. Even so, had at that time somebody told me that there is a three and something year old who uses every opportunity he gets to get completely naked and climb up to the window exactly opposite me to rub his front repeatedly against the glass, I would definitely have thought twice about putting an offer in. But these are the types of things that the estate agent just doesn’t tell you about.
I must admit the first time I saw the naked kid I found him a bit amusing. Although that feeling lasted only about ten seconds and then I just wanted him out of my view so I could spy on the rest of the neighbours in peace. ‘What if the window opens and he falls out?’ I said to Kamyar. ‘Don’t worry’ he replied, ‘the window is probably locked.’ I had thought that myself too but I was dying to go over there and say something to his parents and I had much rather go as a concerned neighbour as appose to someone who is just a bit miffed because their naked kid is spoiling her view. At the end I decided to leave it and let this strange child have his fun. But from then on I would not watch him anymore so every time he came to the window, I left the dishes and went off to do something else and came back when he was gone.

One day I walked into the kitchen to find the naked kid standing in the window again, but this time he was on the outside. He was standing on the five centimetre ledge, holding on to the window frame and looking down, as if he was about to commit suicide. It was unbelievably horrific to watch. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to make a noise thinking he might get scared and fall down. Then Kamyar walked into the kitchen and then the next thing I knew, we were both running down the stairs and I was thinking by the time we get outside, he’ll be splattered all over the asphalt. I was getting really upset about this but if I’m honest, it wasn’t because I desperately didn’t want anything to happen to this child or that I felt sorry for his parent, I was getting upset simply because I didn’t want to have to be faced with him dead in front of me when I got outside. Later I felt really bad about that.
The worst part was definitely walking from our building to the one opposite, passing the suicidal kid on our way. It reminded me of those wildlife programmes where you see a happy little antelope walking about unaware of the lion that is hiding in the bushes. As we stood in front of the sixteen buzzers of the building and had no idea which one to press, I started thinking about how much this whole thing was like a very bad dream.
‘There is a baby hanging from the window on the left hand side of the building.’ I kept saying every time anyone answered. At the end someone said, ‘think you might want 105’ but there was no answer in 105. Then someone came out of the building and we rushed in. By this time I could hear other people outside talking to each other from their windows and since no one was screaming or crying, I guessed the kid had been taken inside.
Upstairs, we rang the doorbell to 105 again and when the door opened we were greeted by a very hairy, top half naked man with the famous naked kid attached to his arm. I had never liked this kid from the start, but at that moment I truly hated him for what he had put us through. Later I felt very bad about this too. Well he’s just a kid you know, he didn’t know what he was doing. But at the time I made myself feel a bit better by giving him a good few imaginary smacks in my head.

After that we did not see the naked kid for a while. At first I was happy about this but then I started to wonder what had become of him. I kept thinking maybe someone had said something to the social services and they had taken him away. But then the other day, after a long absence (of about two month I think) I looked up and saw a very familiar scene. Yes, the naked kid had made a comeback. I can’t say I was exactly happy to see him; it was like as close as you can get to being happy to see someone without actually being happy. I took off the gloves and went off to do something else.